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How to jerk off better

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Guest over a year ago Cut the end off of a banana then take all of the banana out of the rest of the peel without braking the peel then microwave for seconds.

Guest over a year ago hallow out cucumber warm in microwave feels awesome. Guest over a year ago Go to your fridge and get a V-8 or similar plastic bottle.

The inside of the neck is super smooth and just fits my slightly fat penis. Use plenty of lube and slip it on.

Then squeeze the bottle and release the squeeze. This will temporarily compress the sides and force some air out of the bottle past your penis.

When you release the squeeze the bottle returns to normal shape and creates a vacuum. This vacuum will produce an instant hard-on as big as you can get.

It really works! I have tried many things and this is by far the winner. And you can see your big swollen penis and watch it cum.

The cum shoots out with unusual force and sensation because of the vacuum. Guest over a year ago In reply to dpccap on - click to read.

Guest over a year ago is it weird that after I Jack u pee. Quick reply. If you want to get notified by every reply to your post, please register.

It is FREE! No, thanks Register. I'm told by our research team that female masturbation is actually a thing these days as well, and has more fans than paddle boarding, so maybe imagine that.

As many fellows will tell you, about a year or two after you've mastered the hand technique, your mind starts wandering. Your hand is one thing in a world of many things.

Probably, like, things. What would those other things feel like if they were jerking your gherkin? So you start experimenting.

Maybe it's Halloween and you have a pumpkin handy. Maybe your beanbag chair sprung a leak and has an appropriately-sized orifice barfing beans in your room.

Maybe you have a slice of ham. I'm not saying there's anything inherently sexy about ham. I'm not saying you can't use turkey, or even tofurky, if you swing that way.

I'm really just advocating the texture more than anything -- which, upon rereading this sentence, is somehow even more gross.

Still, an industrious-yet-lonely man with a boner is basically a sexual MacGyver. If you're not picking up what I'm putting down yet, allow me to elucidate.

For this particular solo mission to Dribblesville, you need to take a slice of deli ham -- and in this case, you don't necessarily want it super thin -- and maybe pop it in the microwave for 10 seconds.

Maybe you want it in a piece of bread for added grip, I don't know. I don't want to be the conductor on this train to penile trichinosis; I'm just sharing information.

Point is, you wrap warm meat around your cyclopean flesh carrot, and strum away like Clapton performing his final concert. This is a lot like regular masturbation, only the smell is much more off-putting.

Have you smelled deli ham lately? Give it a try. Then rub it aggressively on your crotch for a few minutes. The porcine groin bouquet is a bit sweet and a bit musky -- kind of like what you might expect from a corpse, or a Kardashian when no cameras are around.

I can't recommend it. Fleshlight has apparently sold over seven million units worldwide. There's a reason Fleshlight hasn't hired me as an ad man.

That aside, the inside of a Fleshlight is soft, squishy, and textured with various nubs, swirls, and ridges.

The basic goal of a Fleshlight was to make a vagina into a handheld device; an idea that will get exponentially creepier the more time you devote to thinking about it.

Fleshlight It's like if Ed Gein got into porn and collected just one body part. Patented in , the Fleshlight was the answer to the warm meat conundrum: How can I rub my chub in a way that is more exotic and satisfying than using my hand, but will not leave a slime trail of salmonella bacteria on my sack?

Many people claim the Fleshlight is even better than the real thing, at which point we're left to consider whether by "real thing" they mean their hand -- which of course they don't mean -- or an actual human vagina -- which, sadly, they do mean.

The existential sadness of anyone claiming that a disembodied rubber vag-sleeve is better than having sex with another person is something no Cracked columnist can dare take on without some serious alcohol to fuel the poetic ennui that will follow.

I refuse the challenge, because I have masters to bate and a soul that still glows a little when you say nice things to it.

Maybe one day, if I ever willingly take a nap on a back alley mattress and start agreeing with things Donald Trump says, I'll be able to revisit this idea, but until then, no.

No sir. Now, this isn't to say a Fleshlight is an unpleasant experience. If you have the chance, you go ahead and pork that little rubber fun hole.

It's not bad at all. I would argue that a Fleshlight is to sex what Taco Bell is to a Mexican banquet. It's not really in the ballpark, and sure, some snotty people who think they're better than you will make fun of it.

But you know what? When you're drunk at 2 a. The major downside to the Fleshlight is that it's a lot like manual labor.

Masturbating with your hand affords you that flesh-to-flesh connection. It's not work; it's personal grooming.

You're cleaning your pipes. But the Fleshlight in hand makes it a bit more like mixing a never-ending martini that you can't drink -- and instead of an olive, you're garnishing it with man nectar that you need to hose out the end of a length of flopping, disembodied, pseudo-vaginal canal.

Gritty Woman At which point, your only hope is to become turned on by tapeworms. I want you to put on your 3D glasses, hop on your hoverboard, and start eating astronaut ice cream, because the future of tugging on your tuber is now.

The Autoblow 2 is the most advanced form of wanking mankind has to offer. After this, we can only design robot arms with gentle-yet-firm jacking motions.

And you know after the preliminary trials, the whole project is going to be set back when one goes haywire and yanks some volunteer's dick off with such force that it gets javelined across a room and embedded in a brick wall.

The Autoblow takes the basic premise of a Fleshlight -- a fake, semi-realistic vagina with a tail -- and adds a new dimension of awesome that the old Fleshlight failed miserably at achieving.

This dimension is, of course, autonomy. You can read a damn book while this thing grinds your organ. You'll probably need to balance it between your thighs a little, or wedge it slightly between yourself and a pillow.

But with only a little effort, you're doing your taxes, you're eating pudding, you're braiding your hair, whatever. Sky's the limit. Letsgasm Be mindful of which pudding you eat, however.

The clear upside of the Autoblow is that it finally takes masturbation out of your hands. You just have to be comfortable with a Donkey Kong-esque barrel on your junk.

It has variable speeds as well, so you can go from lazy Quaalude mumble-munch to Furious 7 Vin Diesel power gulp. The downside to the Autoblow, depending on how you feel about noise, is that it sounds like you're being blown by the factory from the end The Terminator.

Just a cacophony of churning, rumbling gears, and actuators slouching along towards Jizzrael. Orion Pictures "Live with me if you want to cum.

The other issue here is one of balance. The Autoblow's big selling point is that it saves you the dreaded carpal tunnel and wrist stress of all compulsive masturbators before you, but it's still not entirely hands-free.

It's got girth -- it's like you're trying to fuck a two-liter bottle of root beer that's really into it -- but you either have to hold it up or, as I said, find some way to balance it.

Or as a last ditch effort, you need to stand and place it at wang level with something to weigh it down and just be there, in the moment.

A dude with his dick in a blowie machine. Has technology improved the wank? Have our advances in texturized rubbers improved our alone time?

Is the handjob your grandfather's handjob?

How To Jerk Off Better

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6 Easy Masturbation Hacks For Men

How To Jerk Off Better

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65. How To Jerk Off For Beginners 3

How To Jerk Off Better -

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Many men ask how to make jerking off feel better and building your excitement and letting it grow is by far one of the greatest ways to achieve it.

Such as utilizing your other erogenous zones. Have you tried rubbing your nipple, tickling the spot where your balls join on to the cock, rubbing your ear lobes, nibbling your lip or rubbing your neck?

These are all highly erotic practices which will have your cock shooting rainbows with excitement. Have you tried edge play?

Allow yourself a minute or so to calm down and then repeat. Do this over and over till you are almost mad with desire and desperation to cum.

This will make the actual orgasm you now have ten times more powerful and satisfying. You can repeat this as often as you like.

We recommend going for as long as possible as the longer you build it up, the better it will feel when it happens.

Pictures and tube videos being the obvious choice but there is also jerk off video chat which gives you a live experience with a real live woman who will encourage you and give you new and fun ways to masturbate.

There are literally thousands of cam girls online right now who are able to give you fun ways to masturbate. They can tell you how to jerk off online and what to use and how to use it to make your experience go with a bang.

They can also talk you through the best things to jerk off with such as fleshlights, automatic stroker and prostate stroker.

You can have a cam to cam jerk off session with any type of woman from short to tall, blonde to a redhead, skinny to BBW, teenager to granny and anything in between.

A nonstop flurry of gorgeous, sexy and available women all ready to watch you wank and help you get a better experience. There are dozens of them online right now and they love giving out humiliating ways to pull that cock with femdom masturbation tips, they may also teach you some self BDSM ideas.

Jerk off cams is very popular with camgirls who give out the best jerking techniques and directions, which include sometimes the roleplay side of things where you are forced to jackoff.

There are thousands of sexy women to watch as well as chat and masturbate with, we really do have the top webcam jerk off sessions online with the top creative methods and suggestions to keep you going for a very long time.

If you want to delve deeper into BDSM and female domination, she can mock you for being a wanker and mockingly do the wanker sign at you as you wank off.

This is more for submissive guys though but if you are one, you will cum hard if you try this! It is a great way for kinky masturbation for men as it lets someone else do the hard part of thinking what to do.

There is no real right or wrong way in how to have the best wank. Even something as simple as swinging your hips gently can change the entire experience.

In essence, it is best to constantly experiment. Try new things and add to what you have already tried. Everybody does it and it is a perfectly natural act that should be celebrated and enjoyed.

Ejaculation and orgasm release endorphins into the body which creates a feel-good sensation. Its why people are so happy when they leave the gym.

Exercise creates the same release. There are many different things you can do when in orgasm mode. Keep your eyes open. Watch yourself in the mirror.

Spice it up by kneeling in front of a window so your chest is above the sill but your cock is hidden and then stroke it whilst watching people go about their daily lives Be very careful not to get caught with this one though.

Talk to yourself and talk about your fantasy out loud as you rub one-off. If you have a jerk off fetish or want to have one!

Ever wondered what weird things some people have wanked off to? What turns some people on when jacking off? As always make sure you are home alone in case you make some noise when you orgasm.

Get Naked — Find somewhere you feel comfortable and relaxed. Spit on your hand and use the saliva, now pull foreskin right back.

Pour some of the baby oil all over your cock and balls and use your saliva as well, start to slowly rub it in all the way up the abdomen.

Begin massaging slowly as you relax, rubbing the oil and saliva all the way up and down the cock, pulling the foreskin back and forth. Use your other hand and do the same.

You can use both hands and spit all over the cock even down to the balls and continue stroking. The oil now works to lubricate the saliva and give a smoother feeling.

Continue to rub up and down slowly, then picking up speed, you could also use your finger to circle the head and rub any pre-cum into the head to make it even slippier.

Depending on whether you want to make it last or not, you could edge the cock and not bring yourself to orgasm, but just stop when you get close.

Lay back and think of your favourite horny thoughts as you rub that cock faster, continue rubbing the precum and saliva in.

Below is a list we have drawn up of some of the best positions to be in when jerking that penis, from laying down missionary to up on your hands and knees.

Another question that is asked often is does jerking off make your penis smaller? The answer to that is no it does not, masturbating regularly or often as well having sex on a regular basis is not bad for you, Masturbating is a normal and healthy practice in everyday life.

Jerk off to the beat the best challenge you will find online with horny mutual masturbators who enjoy testing you with it.

They are creative and know how to make it much more pleasurable. They introduce new ways to play with your dick as well as give you videos to watch as part of an assignment.

These are hands down some of the best ways to master bait You may also like to read our BDSM Mistress thoughts on slaves.

How to dominate your slave. Read — How to be a Good Submissive. Learn some female domination terms. It may take some practice but persevere with it and you will get a happy ending -how to jerk off with kinky couples 2 — Use both his hands at the same time.

Gently rub it as you stroke your cock and prepare for a shuddering climax 17 — Invest in a flash lite. There is much great jerk off ideas above but what about the external stimuli?

There are other things you can try to spice up jerking off Such as utilizing your other erogenous zones. There is lots of stuff to jerk off to on the internet.

What about some kinky ways to jack off? All you have to do is follow orders! As always make sure you are home alone in case you make some noise when you orgasm 2.

Get Naked — Find somewhere you feel comfortable and relaxed 3. Spit on your hand and use the saliva, now pull foreskin right back 4. Pour some of the baby oil all over your cock and balls and use your saliva as well, start to slowly rub it in all the way up the abdomen 5.

Begin massaging slowly as you relax, rubbing the oil and saliva all the way up and down the cock, pulling the foreskin back and forth 6 Now you can get up and sit on your knees and hold that cock 7.

Strange, but nice. Look into the mirror as you masturbate. Call a halt to all your masturbation activities for one week.

It might seem impossible, but you can do it! And it might be your best way to jerk yourself off. Next time you start, you will get off very quickly, and the sensation will be extremely intense.

Instead of jerking up and down, why not twist your hands from side to side? This swiveling around your penis can feel strange, but you might be surprised how quickly you can get off, especially if you use warming lube while you do it.

Rather than masturbate as you normally do, push your penis down between your legs. Lube up your thighs and close them tightly. Then move just slightly enough to get a bit of friction going.

You can also tuck your testicles under while you do this. When you are getting close, stop the stroking and slap your penis against your belly and your thighs.

Do this in a rhythmic fashion, and soon you will be close again. Slap harder at the big finish. Use a heating pad on your penis for a few minutes.

At the same time, submerge your hand in very cold water. Get yourself hard, then use the icy hand to masturbate. Instead of using your hands, hump a few pillows on the bed and imagine that you are having sex with someone.

The friction of the bed underneath you feels heavenly and your hands are free to play with other parts of your body. Copyright WWW.

Last Updated 09 October, Best Way to Jerk Yourself Off 1. Twirl Around Using a bit of lube, cover your finger and the tip of your penis with the slick stuff.

Use Both Hands Use one hand as you normally would, but place the other above or below that one, and use both of them to maintain the motion you need to have an orgasm.

Rock Into Your Hand Most people masturbate by moving their hand up and down. Use Lube Everywhere Why just use lube on your penis? Use Water Masturbate standing up in front of the sink.

Stimulate Your Prostate As you are using one hand in the best way to jerk off, use the other to press hard on the skin between your testicles and your anus.

Go for Warmth When you are masturbating, have a bowl of very warm water nearby. Go Tight When you are masturbating like you usually do, use your free hand to pull down on your testicles.

Use a Mirror Look into the mirror as you masturbate. Try Some Patience Call a halt to all your masturbation activities for one week.

Swivel Around Instead of jerking up and down, why not twist your hands from side to side? Push Things Down Rather than masturbate as you normally do, push your penis down between your legs.

Slap It When you are getting close, stop the stroking and slap your penis against your belly and your thighs.

Go Hot and Cold Use a heating pad on your penis for a few minutes.

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